When I Got Angry Enough...
Updated: Mar 25, 2021
So many people try to get us to not feel our authentic feelings when we express ourselves. I’m going to say that, it doesn’t help at all to try to police anyone else’s expressions. If you feel like your safety is compromised then you need to do what you have to do to ensure your safety. That’s a priority. *Especially in active abusive situations*
But if you see someone expressing themselves in their safe space then leave them alone. They are processing. They don’t need your advice especially if they haven’t asked for it. It’s not your job to provide that unwanted advice. Unwanted advice almost always makes things worse. people’s unwanted advice about what you should do is an infringement on your autonomy. It’s a way to undermine you by saying they know better about your life than you do. The AUDACITY! Even if they have “good intentions” it doesn’t land well. You know what is actually “good”? To ask the other person consent. It’s easy to say, “would you like to hear my experience? Or would you like for me to give you feedback?”
If it’s not what you would do, then that is great for you. At least you know what works for you.
Victims/ Survivors/ Thrivers- You ARE allowed to feel how you feel over what’s happened to you. Don’t let anyone minimize what you have gone through because they are unsure of how to deal with emotions. That’s called projection. Find someone who is specialized in helping you process your experience.
Investing time in your healing is cathartic. If you’re not ready, that’s ok too. Being trauma informed is letting people take action on their own time.