Updated: Mar 31
It feels good to take a step back from addictive spaces that are tailored to keep me engaged for hours. The first thing I felt was a sense of isolation and loss. My daily entertainment and connections are gone. The second thing I’ve realized is that the screaming has stopped.
For me, being on social media is equivalent of having millions of people screaming in my direction every time I open any social media app. For a recovering codependent, it feels like everyone wants you to care about their thing. Being overly involved in different things can feel extremely overwhelming especially when the world seems like it’s on fire.
Everything is “take action now” but we are all on our phones screaming at each other. I saw this first hand in the comments section. We are more prone to miscommunication on social media than anywhere else. Full comments and discourses are limited. People are listening with a short fuse because of the limitations of the app themselves. We are sharing our inner most thoughts with the world but in real life we don’t do this type of stuff.
In the real world, where things really count, we are more reserved and more composed. We keep things to ourselves and explode on social media. Why? Because it seems like a safer option. My job as a coach is to teach others how to express themselves safely in the real world. I noticed this growing trend arising on a weekly basis. Apps are giving us a sense of productivity by making all of us think we are dealing with issues when we are truly hiding behind a screen.
The pandemic has escalated the screaming to an unimaginable level. Now it’s over flooded with people who used to be at work harassing real people. Now we have seen them overly saturating our spaces with their harassment. I know I’m in the presence of some when they start to act entitled and overly familiar from the beginning. The “where’s did you pull that statistic?” or the “what about what the other person went through?” crowd. The endless “whataboutisms” are imposed to fast drain the energy of any recipient.
I can say that not dealing with energy vampires who appear multiple times an hour has enriched my life almost immediately. Cutting out the draining mental gymnastics does produce a better life no matter how lonely you get. This is a part of any draining abusive relationship that can not be taken away from any survivor. Once you learn how to create a space of quiet, the more you will gravitate and cherish it. No one can take it away no matter how hard they try. And believe me that they will try to sabotage it but this space is completely yours. In spaces of loneliness, quiet, and boredom; you learn how to truly care for yourself. You learn what’s truly important.
You’re the only one that can walk that walk. No one can do it for you. No one can do the work. There is no avoidance in this. It’s hard work but extremely rewarding.
This is two weeks in and the clarity is flooding in. I’m not doing anything else in my life out of obligation. That part of me is gone.