One of the issues and blind spot of narcissistic abuse is that:
The narcissist always wants their victim to be HYPER focused on them and the issues they create. The victim is constantly running around blindly trying to put out fires the narcissist creates on purpose to keep them hooked (trauma bonds). The victim needing a much needed breather, tries to plead and question their very real reality of the intentional made confusion.
Narcissistic abusers love to create and CONTROL the highs and lows of the relationship. Victims along with other people keep thinking that all they need to do is create a safe space for their narcissist. They think that with enough attention, love, and understanding they can help heal the narcissist. This is exactly what the narcissist wants. They love it when someone proves their dedication to them. They want to keep their victims enmeshed and ready to please.
The moment their victim starts to analyze the relationship they hook them back in with a creative distraction. They also enlist the help of the victims closest allies as flying monkeys to further isolate the victim.
The abuser also trains and retrains the flying monkeys with fake stories, do gooder illusions, and fake pleading persona.
The victim has nowhere to turn. They are stuck in the awful cycle with no fresh air to breathe. Eventually the victim starts to get used to living in this intentional made cycle of abuse and expects it. They succumb to their new reality and even shame themselves when normal healthy conversations don’t have any positive outcome.
Don’t tell me that narcissistic abuse doesn’t exist when we are born into the hands of our abusers. To even start to unravel the parental wounds caused by the very people who should have done the bare minimum is hard and heavy work.
It takes an absolute amount of strength to walk away from an entire abusive family system. You have to leave behind nieces, nephews, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, people you have known all your life because they are too scared to have a relationship with an outsider. It’s complete banishment from the family system. Don’t tell me narcissistic abuse doesn’t exist when I see victims attempting to piece together their experiences and try to heal from their previous abuser/s.